


Baby Steps

by bitsori



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: ?? IDK This is Pretty Hard to Tag LMAO, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Found Family, Kid Fic, M/M, Single Parent Kang Younghyun | Young K
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-23 15:10:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21322216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitsori/pseuds/bitsori
Summary: “I hear he used to be in a band,” Hyerim offers. “And that some of the foreign students call him Brian, so I guess that's his Western name.”“Affirmative,” Bernard says with a nod. “On both counts.”“Why are y’all even telling me this?” Jae asks, confused.“You seem interested,” Hyerim answers with a smile and a shrug.“Oh also,” Bernard casually adds while stirring his hot coffee, “I hear he's got like—a secret love child or something.”“Oh, yeah,” Hyerim nods, completely unbothered, as if she hears this kind of gossip all the time.Jae, meanwhile, gawks at Bernard.“Wait—what?!”--or: The one in which Brian is responsible for a toddler, and Jae isn't sure what to make of him ( AU )
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Comments: 33
Kudos: 389





	Baby Steps

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silkscream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silkscream/gifts).

> [ 1 ] for the brian to my jae, happy birthday **j**! i finally wrote u JAEHYUNGPARKIAN slash (sort of... barely... lmao) so pls appreciate. ily! ♥
> 
> [ 2 ] this idea was born ages ago, after i reread the _aishiteruze baby_ manga for the umpteenth time. i wanted brian as kippei, so some elements are similar. i doubt the average day6/skz fan is also an aibaby fan, lmao, but i personally think jisung as yuzuyu is pretty inspired!! hahaha.
> 
> [ 3 ] i barely had time to edit this because i really wanted to post this on time for my friend's birthday so im sorry for any typo and grammatical errors that you're bound to find here. ;;
> 
> [ 4 ] oh and thank you **e** for bouncing ideas off with me, and proofing this wrt children and how they behave. i'm very bad with kids in general, so that helped a lot! lord knows why i chose to write jae and brian with a child, lmao. 

  
\---  
  
  
  


The first time Jae lays eyes on _ him _ is one bright, sunny day during his first week at his new university. He’s on his way to meet his friend, Hyerim, but he had gotten turned around on his way from the admin office (some of his credits hadn't transferred, so he had to see to the matter in person – ridiculous how it's the twenty-first century, and one still had to manually fix document errors like this), and when he arrives at their agreed upon meeting place, instead of Hyerim, there he is, all by himself, slumped on nearby, out in the open, asleep, and he can’t help but stare at him as he takes up the entire length of the bench, wondering how someone can be in such a deep sleep despite the surroundings.

Jae is tempted to knee the guy’s side, also feeling a little irritable that he can’t even sit down because of him. Luckily, before he can do anything, Hyerim herself creeps up from behind him. Never mind that she almost gives him a small heart attack from the way she surprises him, it’s Hyerim’s bright and happy greeting that also wakes up the sleeping stranger.

“Huh, what—?” From the corner of his eye, Jae watches the guy suddenly sit up straight. Hyerim looks like she’s biting the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing, and Jae is trying as well, _ really, _ but typical of him, it doesn’t take long before he cracks up at the comedic scene unfolding in front of him.

He feels embarrassed, if only because he doesn’t know what Korean etiquette says about laughing shamelessly at strangers. (And really, someone remind him again why he thought it would be a good idea to travel all the way to South Korea to get an undergraduate degree—oh, right, because he had a little too much fun back home and it’s a wonder that he even has credits to transfer, so his mother had the bright notion that sending him to the motherland was somehow going to help him get his focus back. Jae doesn’t understand where the sense is in that logic, but they’re paying for his education, so it’s not as if he had that much of a choice.)

Hyerim, obviously still stifling her own laughter, tugs at Jae’s shirt, clearly intending to pull them both away from him, but then Jae’s eyes meet his, and this time he almost chokes on his own laughter. Hard not to, considering the way that the stranger’s hair is sticking out from the back is extra funnier paired with the look of confusion he’s sporting on his face.

He doesn’t really take notice of their presence, and instead he just pulls his phone out of his pocket, which seems to remind him of something because within the next five seconds, he’s back up on his feet, grabbing his bag and his jacket before he runs off down the street in an obvious hurry.

“That was kind of rude,” Hyerim comments.

“Uh huh,” is Jae’s only answer, even though truthfully, he’s also kind of intrigued.

  
  


»

  
  


The next time Jae meets him is in class. It’s a required elective for anyone on the International Studies track, and it's the last place he would have expected to see Homeless Guy again. (It's probably not a very accurate nickname, because obviously the guy has a home somewhere, _ probably, _ but First Impressions Last, and this guy – cute as he is – was asleep on a public bench the first time Jae saw him, _ so.) _

(Probably Not) Homeless Guy is late to arrive, but he doesn’t act ashamed or embarrassed. Instead, he smiles at the professor and all their classmates as he makes his way to the back of the room. He’s probably lucky, because the instructor actually _ seems _ charmed by the behavior, and doesn’t castigate him for tardiness. Jae can only aspire to have this kind of effect on people, so he’s both curious, and a little annoyed at the same time.

Somehow he ends up only one seat away from Jae. He catches Jae watching him, and while Jae isn’t sure if he’s been recognized from their previous encounter, he’s given a friendly smile anyway. Jae feels his cheeks inexplicably heat up, but he pretends to ignore the guy as he shifts his focus to the professor in front of the room instead.

_ Kang Younghyun _.

Jae finally learns his name when the professor passes around a sign-up sheet for attendance, and for some reason he finds himself taking note of it.

  
  


»

  
  


Kang Younghyun is a popular guy around campus, and it doesn’t take Jae long to figure this out. They only have one class together, but he’s quite noticeable in it. He manages to participate in every single class discussion without appearing obnoxious, and the pleasant smile he’s always wearing seems to have a gravitational pull on all their classmates, male and female both.

Jae tries to be immune to it, because the overall impression he has of Younghyun, despite his overall popularity, and despite maybe finding him cute (his eyesight isn't perfect, but he isn't _ blind) _, isn’t very good. Again, it partly has to do with the first impression he got of the guy, but mostly it's because Jae has long developed an innate distrust towards anyone much too liked by their peers. 

Despite this (or maybe _ because _ of this), his friends start supplying him with random information about Younghyun.

“I hear he used to be in a band,” Hyerim offers. “And that some of the foreign students call him Brian, so I guess that's his Western name.”

_ Brian, _ Jae repeats the name in his head. _ Brian Kang. _

Fun fact: Jae was almost Brian Park, once upon ages ago, according to his mom, before they ultimately decided against it. The first time Jae heard this story he had laughed because he felt like the exact opposite of a Brian.

Maybe that's why it seems oddly fitting for this guy.

“Affirmative,” Bernard says with a nod. “On both counts.” He doesn't look like it, but Bernard surprisingly has a vast network of connections. Somehow, he's always on the up and up, so Jae assumes he can trust his information.

“Why are y’all even telling me this?” Jae asks, confused.

“You seem interested,” Hyerim answers with a smile and a shrug.

He wants to say he isn't, but he listens and stores everything they tell him about Brian (and he's made up his mind to call him that in his head, because he's so much more a Brian than a Younghyun from what Jae has observed). 

And then,

“Oh also,” Bernard casually adds while stirring his hot coffee, “I hear he's got like—a _ secret love child _ or something.”

“Oh, yeah,” Hyerim nods, completely unbothered, as if she hears this kind of gossip all the time.

Jae, meanwhile, gawks at Bernard.

“Wait—_ what?!” _

“A secret love child,” Bernard repeats, just as nonchalant as he was the first time he said it. 

Jae doesn't get it because he would’ve assumed that Korea would have been more conservative about single dads and children born (presumably) out of wedlock. And sure, Bernard, grew up in Chicago, but even Hyerim is handling this pretty indifferently.

Jae can only continue to blink and stare; maybe Brian is just that charming that he makes people not care about his situation.

He doesn't know if that makes him like Younghyun _ (Brian, _ his brain supplies) better or less.

  
  


»

  
  


It was decided, for Jae to fully feel the ramifications of the poor life choices he made in the recent years, that he was not only going to finish tertiary level education in South Korea, but also that he was going to live with his grandmother _ while _holding down a part-time job.

(“I did that for seven years,” his father had told him, when his parents had talked to him about the terms of his glorified study abroad. “I worked part-time through high school, and college, and maybe we should have made sure you did the same.”

Jae has never really felt spoiled – but somehow his father made it sound like he was.)

(That he has to technically be “disciplined” as an adult, by his parents, is maybe sad and embarrassing – but perhaps the same can be said about the way he lived such a meek life completely devoid of any form of rebelliousness, at least until he went to college, and he actually made not just actual _ friends, _ but friends who are considerably _ cool.) _

The agreement was fine with Jae – he was always a bit of a grandma’s boy, and one summer he had “interned” at his father’s workplace, and he’d like to think (despite any implications otherwise that his father might have made) that he did pretty fine. He enjoyed himself anyway (mostly because he had nothing else to do during that break). 

So – all things considered, Jae thought he’d be fine. Things will go smoothly. He’d prove himself _ not _ spoiled, and a quite capable adult. Right?

Wrong.

Living with his grandmother 24/7 is a much different experience from the one or two weeks a year she spends with them whenever she visits them in California. Moreover, part-time hours in Seoul are horrible, with equally horrible pay, and it’s hard to find decent job placement when your Korean isn’t exactly the best.

Nevertheless, he had ended up being hired at a convenience store two blocks away from his grandmother’s apartment building, where he was tasked to work evening shifts that ensured his inability to spend nights hanging out with the few friends he’s made in Seoul.

Funny enough, it’s late one evening when he comes across Brian at work.

  
  
  


The bell rings and when Jae looks up, there he is. Kang Brian, looking annoyingly pleasant as always. Jae bites his tongue instead of echoing the usual customer greeting, and that’s when he notices the little boy riding Brian’s back.

He opens his mouth, realising he should greet them considering they’re customers, but before any sound comes out, their eyes meet and Jae becomes the recipient of his bright smile. “Park Jaehyung-ssi, right?”

The kid stares at Jae from behind Brian’s shoulder, and now he wonders the rumors about Brian being a single father are true.

“Ajusshi, is he your boyfriend?” A small voice pipes up and Brian laughs - likely at the confused look on Jae’s face.

(Can you blame him, though? _Is he your boyfriend _– what kind of child asks questions like that?!)

He doesn’t know why his cheeks start to feel warm, but he’s thankful that he’s able to quickly snap out of it. He doesn’t want his manager coming out from the back room and berating him for not being a model employee.

It takes him a beat to realise that Brian actually knows him _ by name. _

Wow.

“This is Jisung,” Brian introduces, the child grinning and waving happily as soon as he hears his name mentioned.

_ Your son? _ Jae almost blurts out. _ Your famed son? _ Except, thankfully, he has enough self-control not to. “Is there anything I can help you with?” He asks instead, even though he really cannot keep himself from staring at the kid who looks like a miniature version of Brian.

“Oh, well, uh—” Brian glances around, before lowering himself so that the kid can get off his back; it’s only now that Jae notices the big, red scrapes on the boy’s knees. “Do you have a first aid kit? Or—uh, materials for treating a child’s wound.”

Jae keeps staring at the child who is looking right back at him with big, wide, button eyes, that it takes him another beat to register Brian’s question.

“Oh,” he lifts his gaze to meet Brian’s. “Yeah, band-aids and the like are aisle five.”

“Okay, thanks,” Brian tells him, his smile not faltering for even a second. “Come on, Jisung,” he says, holding his hand out for the little tot who readily takes it.

Jae’s first instinct is to take his phone out and compose a message to Bernard and Hyerim. _ I think I met Brian’s son, _ he types, only to select all and delete before he can send it because he realises that he doesn't want to have to explain why he cares enough to inform them.

And then a minute later, he realises that he doesn't necessarily have to admit to caring – gossip is gossip, and his friends have regularly shared as much with each other. It’s why he even knows that Brian is supposed to be a single dad – if he's that. He remembers that the child called him _ ajusshi, _ and not _ appa. _ But maybe they're context to that, and maybe Bernard and Hyerim will know better than him. Before he can recompose his message, however, Brian and Jisung are already back and dumping a basketful of junk food on the counter, along with a small box of bandaids and a small bottle of rubbing alcohol.

Jae balks at the collection of chips and candy that range from spicy prawn chips to chocolate pretzels – the sheer amount of unhealthiness makes him want to side eye Brian, even though maybe that's a little hypocritical of him, considering how often he enjoys a good meal at McDonald's. (At least he's _ trying _ to eat more healthily these days, he reasons in his head.)

“You shouldn't feed the kid so much junk in the evening,” he comments, half-jokingly, as he rings the items up. He doesn't know why he's running his big mouth – it's not like he knows anything about children. Even when he was a child himself he knew _ nothing _ about children.

Brian laughs, mirth reflected in his eyes. “It’s all for me,” he answers. “Except the band-aids—” he clicks his tongue, and exchanges a look with Jisung, “—because someone stubbornly ran after that pigeon at the park even after being told not to!”

Jisung whines, and then he leans against the counter while standing on his tiptoes so that he can look up at Jae.

“Birds are fun, right?”

Jae rapidly blinks. The kid is clearly precocious and he doesn't know what to make of that. 

“Uh, I guess?” Jae offers with a shrug. “They can fly?”

“'Xactly!” Jisung declares with so much simple finality that only a five year old can truly offer; and then he holds his arms out to which Brian readily responds by picking him up.

Jae robotically announces the total of their purchase, and Brian happily thanks him once the transaction is over, unfazed by the fact that he just let a random guy who goes to school with him meet his son.

Supposed son, anyway. 

“Your little brother is cute,” Jae forces himself to comment before Brian and Jisung can leave. He doesn't know what he's doing, but he observes carefully for Brian’s reaction.

“He isn't my brother,” is all Brian answers him with. “I’ll see you in class Jaehyung-ssi!”

  
  


»

  
  


They hardly acknowledge each other the next time they're in class; Brian gives him a barely perceptible nod when he walks in, late as usual, which Jae only vaguely returns.

Life goes on.

“You met his kid?” Hyerim actually sounds surprised, and maybe just a little in awe, when Jae finally remembers to share the anecdote with them, days later. “Wow, I always assumed the rumors were exaggerated. Like maybe he has a little brother or something.”

“Yeah, he completely shot that down,” Jae tells her.

“Neighbor’s kid?” 

“They looked alike,” Jae counters; the child had a rounder face, cheeks as full as the ones his pet hamster from when he was 8 had, before they realised he was allergic to hamsters, but their eyes were the same. It’s easy to imagine Jisung growing up to look like Brian.

“Cousin?”

Jae shrugs. “Wouldn't he have clarified it though?”

It’s Hyerim's turn to shrug. “That's admirable though, if he's really putting himself through college while taking care of a kid.”

  
  


»

  
  


It’s not until a couple of weekends later, with Jae on his way home from running errands for his grandmother, when he spots Brian and Jisung at a nearby park. 

“Hey,” he comments, because somehow his feet move on their own, making him approach the pair by the swingset where they're playing at.

“Ministop Man!” Jisung yells upon seeing him, grinning as he practically flies off the swing.

“Jisung!” Brian scolds the child. “Be careful!”

Jae is starting to regret his decision to talk to them, because now he has no idea what to say. Also: _ Ministop Man?? _He met the kid once but apparently that was enough to earn him some kind of misplaced superhero-type moniker.

Jisung whines. “Sorry,” he mumbles, but he doesn't really look or sound sorry at all, especially not as he runs over to Jae to tug at the hem of his shirt.

“Sorry,” Brian repeats, exasperation evident in his tone. “I let him have an entire chocolate bar, and it's looking more and more like a grave mistake.”

Jae laughs, because it feels appropriate to laugh based on Brian’s tone, but because he’s unsure, the sound comes off awkward and stilted. He hates this – he thought he was past the socially inept stage of his life.

Also: Jisung keeps tugging at his shirt, which – _ what is that about? _

“Jisung—” Brian starts, as if to scold the child, which clues Jae in that he should probably take notice of him.

“Uh, yeah?” He looks down, lowering himself and crouching so he can be eye level with Jisung. Just as soon as he does that, however, Jisung’s little grubby hands reach forward and, without warning, grabs the pair of eyeglasses he’s wearing.

_ Shit, _ he thinks, blinking rapidly as everything loses focus.

“Jisung!” Brian hisses; thanks to the close distance, he can somewhat make Jisung out as he puts the pair on himself. “Jisung,” Brian repeats sternly. “What did I tell you about taking other people’s things without permission?” He plucks the glasses off Jisung, and promptly hands it back to Jae. “Sorry,” he says.

Jae simply nods, wearing them again, and immediately standing up to his full height.

“Jisung, what do you say?” Brian nudges the child.

“Sorry,” Jisung mumbles. He looks up at Jae, cheeks puffed out, and eyes pleading. “May I borrow your—” He gestures at his eyes.

“Uh—” Jae glances at Brian, unsure how to answer. He has horrible eyesight, and the level of his prescription will likely just give the toddler a headache, but he doesn’t know how to communicate that in a way that Jisung will understand.

“Jisungie, Jaehyung-ssi needs it to see,” Brian explains, swiftly picking Jisung up, much to the child’s clear displeasure.

“Put me down!” Jisung whines, arms waving around in a way that Jae admittedly finds amusing.

“He’s got a problem with taking things that interest him,” Brian explains to Jae, ignoring as Jisung continues to flail in his hold. “He’s like a magpie with shiny things.”

“That’s actually a myth,” Jae answers immediately. He read that in a book once, when he was thirteen. Thieving magpies are only a thing in folk stories. Brian, clearly, has never read the same books he did, because he just gives Jae a weird stare.”Uh, yeah—sorry,” he adds, forcing laughter. “Random trivia for the day.”

“Oh.” Brian laughs. He probably still finds Jae weird, but he’s at least being pleasant about it. “Either way. Jisung. Shiny things. He takes them without permission—his daycare teacher had to talk to me yesterday because he got into a fight with one of his classmates because of this. Kids, right?” 

“Yeah,” Jae agrees automatically, even though he doesn't really understand what he's agreeing to. “I guess?” He laughs forcibly. “I know absolutely zilch about kids except that they're small. Usually loud.”

“Be glad for it—” Brian starts, only to wince in interruption when Jisung suddenly grabs a fistful of his hair. “Fine, you brat,” he gives in, fondness strangely still evident in his tone. Brian clicks his tongue, and he finally lowers the child back to the ground.

Immediately, Jisung lunges towards Jae and grabs his hand. “Come on, push me on the swing!” He declares in a way that makes it sound more like an order than a request.

Jae throws Brian a panicked look, but the other male only shrugs, and laughs at his expression.

“He's mostly harmless,” Brian says, while grinning because he's clearly happy that the boy has someone else to bother now that isn't him.

Jae opens his mouth to point this out, but Jisung keeps pulling his hand and _ damn, _ because the little tyke is surprisingly strong for someone who is pretty pint-sized.

  
  
  


“His daycare teacher told me yesterday that he's always getting into fights with this other kid in his class,” Brian shares with Jae as they walk home together – apparently they live in the same area, and Jae probably shouldn't be as surprised as he felt when Brian had made this known, considering he not only ran into him at work, but also at the park.

The errand he'd ran for his grandmother involved picking up her prescription medicine, which shouldn't really have taken him the three hours he had ended up spending with Brian and Jisung at the playground.

But what can he say? Jae is bad with children, but Jisung is surprisingly hard to say no to.

The kid in question exhausted himself, and is now sleeping while Brian carries him on his back. Jae is a little envious, if only because he gets to rest on his way home, while Jae remains stuck trying to carry on a conversation in between sniffling and wheezing, thanks to his pollen allergies getting activated after spending the afternoon playing with a five year old in an open air area.

(That's what he tells himself anyway. His envy totally has nothing to do with Brian himself.)

“Hwang Hyunjin,” Brian continues. “That's his classmate that he keeps picking fights with. Apparently Jisung keeps taking his toys.” He's taken to telling Jae all about Jisung’s problems at daycare because he supposes that his actions earlier can be easily misconstrued as him caring about Jisung’s life in general.

Or maybe Brian is just that desperate to talk to someone about his kid.

(Or maybe both?)

“Huh. Well.” Jae really doesn't know what to offer to the discussion. “I was more the kid whose toys got stolen, to be honest.” That sounded as unhelpful in his head, and yet he let the words slide off his tongue – he's an idiot.

“Oh, sorry.” Brian actually looks sheepish. “I’m trying to teach him that he shouldn't do that, but—” he sighs. “He's got a stubborn streak. Also, he's very excitable, and he always forgets his manners when he gets excited. Sorry about that, by the way,” he chuckles. “Because he was pretty excited about you.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s cool,” Jae answers. Apart from being dragged around the playground (which he really is too big for now, as evidenced by the fact that he almost got stuck on top of the slide), he'd also spent a long time listening to Jisung talk about birds – about how they have a myna bird at school, and how he'd love to have a parrot for a pet “just like a pirate!” It was awkward, because all he could really do was nod and laugh and answer with “oh, really?” but it surprised him just how thoroughly entertained he had been. 

“Still—thanks,” Brian continues. “I know I kinda left you to his mercy for a while back there.”

He did, but Jae knows it’s pointless to dig into that. “You looked like you needed a break from him,” he points out instead, referring to how, by the end of the day, after Jisung tired himself out and declared that he was hungry and ready to go home, they had found Brian dozing off by the swings. 

“It’s not like that!” Brian protests, a little too vehemently. “Love the kid, but I’ve kinda been juggling a lot recently.”

Jae flashes back to his first memory of Brian, and he realises that’s probably why he’d been sleeping in the middle of the day, in the middle of campus, where everyone could see him in school. Most university students have a lot on their plate, Jae included, but he assumes that not everyone has the added responsibility of having to take care of a child; put like this, he decides that Brian truly is annoyingly impressive.

He supposes this is his opportunity to ask about the child’s mother – or even the child’s grandparents, but then Brian abruptly stops walking and gestures towards a corner turn. “We go down this way,” he explains, and Jae nods mutely – the building he lives in with his grandmother is still a block away.

“I’ll see you in class,” he says, echoing words Brian once casually threw at him.

  
  


»

  
  


“I’m so sorry for the short notice,” Brian says as he lets Jae into his small apartment. He's smiling that same pleasant smile, but he actually looks somewhat frazzled, which Jae deems pretty uncharacteristic for him. “Someone called in sick at work, and my boss says he'll pay double if I come in tonight—can't really afford to turn down that kind of money. I usually let him stay with the Lees, who live on the fourth floor, but they aren’t home tonight.”

It’s been a month since that day at the park, and Jae has certainly seen a lot more of both Brian _ and _ Jisung, presumably thanks to the proximity of where they live. In that time, he has somehow learned the following (mostly useless) information: 

One, Brian works part time at a Angel in-us branch that’s two bus stops away from his apartment. On weekends, his shift manager is kind enough to let him bring Jisung with him, and it works because Jisung has somehow been conditioned to behave when he's there. (Brian admits that his secret weapon is cake and hot chocolate. The downside: Jisung always experiences a sugar high that lasts him through the day.)

Two, Brian speaks English fluently thanks to obsessing over animated movies from the West as a pre-teen. Jae had laughed, but truthfully, it was a relief because it meant he can start trying to communicate with Brian without worrying too much about context getting _ too _lost in translation. (Brian had also admitted to an almost unhealthy obsession with Toy Story and Shrek. Jae can't remember how old he was the last he watched either, and wanted to recommend a few sitcoms to Brian instead, so he can hone his present English skills – instead Brian showed him his Netflix queue filled with anime titles that Jae can hardly pronounce.)

And, three, Brian was a math nerd in high school. He was very casual about it when it got brought up after he mentioned some tutoring gig he had lined up, which somehow segued into Brian telling Jae about when he and his friends won the silver medal for some math competition, Seoul City wide. (But really, Brian: a math nerd. In high school. Jae had been unable to compute the information initially – not that he's one to judge considering how embarrassingly into Model UN he was back in the day. Yet somehow, Brian makes being a nerd cool and attractive in ways Jae can only aspire to.)

Weirdly, Jae still has no idea what Jisung is to Brian, exactly.

(“You two friends now?” Bernard had asked when they once came across Brian on campus, and the latter had approached them, making brief small talk about some textbooks that he wants to check out at the library, before his phone alarm starts ringing, and he urgently tells him he has to go.

“I guess so?” Jae shrugs.

“Cool.” Bernard comments, his interest seemingly stopping at that.

Jae hates that he feels exactly that, too. Cool. Because apparently, despite having exposed his Very Nerdy Past™ to Jae in the last month, being Brian's friend is still weirdly validating.)

“Dude,” Jae starts, opting to be honest from the get go. He knows Brian has lots of other friends – he’s always with someone different every time Jae sees him around school, so he has no idea why Brian asked him for this favor. He supposes he could very well have been the guy’s last resort, though. “All I have to do is feed Jisung dinner, right? Because you know, I have no idea how to otherwise entertain him.”

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Brian assures him, laughing as he claps Jae’s shoulders. “Jisung loves you. You know how last week we went and saw you in the middle of your night shift when we bought meat buns?” Jae nods; they’d brought meat buns and two bottles of peach flavored iced tea, and Jae had clicked his tongue at them in mild (hypocritical) disapproval. “He said he really wanted to see you, and I was hungry, so I agreed. But he kinda really enjoys your company.” 

Jae is genuinely surprised; he’s noticed that Brian has been stopping by with Jisung at the convenience store at least twice a week, but he figured that was some kind of ritual the two of them had formed that had absolutely nothing to do with him.

“Oh—”

“Jae!” His reaction is cut short by Jisung himself shouting his name, and rushing straight towards him to cling at his leg. “Hi!” The five year old greets, grinning toothily as he looks up. “You’re here.”

“Very observant,” Jae replies, deadpan, to which Brian snorts.

“My shift ends around 11,” Brian tells Jae. “Just call or text me if anything urgent comes up, but—Jisung always behaves the best when he’s with other people.” 

“Err—” Jae can only nod, because what else can he say?

“Thanks, hyung,” Brian exhales, before flashing him a big grin that eases Jae, somewhat, and makes him happy that he’s doing the guy a favor. “You’re a lifesaver.”

  
  
  


For dinner, they order from a nearby family restaurant that Brian assures Jae over text is Jisung’s favorite place to eat at. Jisung, for a five year old, eats pretty well, without being picky at all, which is more than Jae can say about himself at the same age, if his mother’s stories are anything to go by. (To be fair, he’s always had a long list of allergies, so it’s not _ his _ fault entirely.)

Once again, Jae surprises himself by how quick time flies with Jisung. It helps that the child is pretty chatty, and over dinner, he regales Jae with stories about his friends. He tells him about Hyunjin who cries a lot despite having the nicest toys, and about Seungmin who loyally follows around Wonpil-hyung, the daycare assistant. He talks about Felix, and how he doesn’t understand what he’s saying half of the time because “he speaks funny,” and he talks about Minho, the Lees’ son, who is apparently his favorite friend despite being two years older than him, because he always lets Jisung play with his cats whenever he stays over.

“I thought I was going to sleep over at Minho-hyung’s again today, but Ajusshi says he isn't home—but it’s okay because you came over instead!” Jisung says happily as he finishes his meal.

Jae has never really found children, even babies, cute. Jisung, he has to admit, has his adorable moments. He wonders if maybe it's because he never has to try hard with him; he never really has to say a lot, yet Jisung manages to keep him entertained. Also, Brian sharing with him that Jisung adores him probably plays into his soft spot for the child – Jae likes being adored, after all, because who doesn't?

“Hey, Jae,” Jisung approaches him just as he finishes cleaning up and washing dishes.

“Yeah?” 

“Ajusshi always sings to me before bed,” Jisung informs him matter-of-factly. “You’ll do it too, right?”

Jae stares at him. When Brian had so very urgently asked him for this favor, he had explicitly mentioned that part of it was helping Jisung with a coloring homework. Jae is not very gifted in visual arts, and at this point, he had wondered to himself just why he was complying so easily with Brian's requests. He figured he had no choice, though, but to say yes. 

(Brian sounded very desperate over the phone, and Jae is _ weak. _ Also, a good friend. “You owe me,” he could only joke. “Big time,” Brian had answered, quite sincerely.)

“I won't be able to sleep otherwise,” Jisung declares, chin up, as he looks Jae squarely in the eye.

_ This kid's got balls, _ Jae thinks, not for the first time since he's met the five year old.

“Brian sings to you every night?” Jae confirms; the image he conjures in his head is less cool, more sweet, and he surprises himself with how endeared he feels about it. “What about when you sleep over at your friend’s—at the Lees’—with Minho?”

Jisung breaks out into a wide grin. “Minho-hyung and I sing to each other!” He answers, very pointedly, as if he doesn't understand why Jae even has to ask.

The bedroom in Brian's apartment is interestingly set up almost like a college dorm room, with two singles pushed back against opposite walls. The one at the far end has a mess of toys scattered at the foot of it, so Jae easily assumes that one is Jisung's.

He's easily proven correct when the boy bounces towards it and dramatically throws himself face first onto the mattress. “What are you going to sing to me, Jae?” Jisung asks, much too energetic for someone who is supposedly about to get rest.

“Uh, what does Brian usually sing to you?” Jae asks, tentative as he fully crosses the bedroom’s threshold. He feels weird, like he's intruding on Brian’s privacy. 

Jisung sits up with a shrug. “Different songs! You can sing anything!”

“Oh.” Jae starts to walk over, but is sidetracked when he notices the acoustic guitar leaning against the corner close to Brian’s bed, and he remembers Bernard sharing that he heard Brian was in a band.

When Jae was fifteen he really wanted to be in a band, but he didn't know anyone willing to be in one with him – maybe that's why the idea of Brian being in one is kind of… _ hot. _ He tells himself it's only because it's yet another thing he has – _ had _– that Jae covets for himself.

“Sometimes, Ajusshi plays, too!” Jisung supplies, and Jae is initially confused, until he realises that Jisung must have noticed what grabbed his attention.

Astute, is probably another word that's fitting for the child.

“You think he'd mind if I play it too?” Jae asks, even while already moving to pick the instrument up on his way from the door to Jisung's bed.

The child's eyes grow wide. “You can play too?!” He gasps, and suddenly it's as if he's vibrating with unbridled excitement. 

“A little,” Jae answers. It's false humility, though, as his mastery is at a pretty expert level, considering that for years his only companion had been his guitar. Not so much after he first entered university and he decided to reinvent himself, so it’s actually been a while since he’d played just for the sake of playing. 

“Will you teach me?” Jisung grins, his big eyes now sparkling. “Ajusshi says he will but he never has time!”

“Uh—” Jae finds that he doesn’t mind the idea. “How about I sing you to sleep now, and then teach you another time?” He offers, truly meaning it. He supposes he’d have to talk to Brian about it first. 

Jisung exhales with disappointment, but he nods anyway, and holds his pinky out towards. “‘Kay. But you gotta promise.”

Jae blinks several times before laughing and hooking his finger around Jisung’s. “You never just let anything go, do you?”

Jisung stares, long and hard, looking like he doesn’t understand what Jae means, but refusing to back down anyway; it only makes Jae laugh even more. He shakes his head, and sits down on the edge of Jisung’s bed, guitar cradled in his arms. He plucks the strings to check if it’s correctly tuned, and he’s pleasantly surprised to find that it is – although perhaps he shouldn’t be, as Jisung _ had _ shared that Brian occasionally plays for him.

He exhales quietly; he doesn’t know a lot of lullabies for children, so he wings it and sings _Rock-a-bye_ _Baby_ while feeling around what he remembers of _Twinkle Little Star’s_ chord progression – _most children's nursery rhymes have the same pattern, right?_

Jisung scoots over, and stares at his fingers on the guitar until he finishes the second verse, and Jae stops.

“Can I try?” Jisung asks, tapping his small hand against the body of the guitar.

“Err,” Jae hesitates, because he doesn't know if Brian is sensitive about his instrument. “Does Brian—Ajusshi, does he let you hold it?”

“When he's around,” Jisung answers. “But you're here!”

“I don't know, 'Sung…” 

“Please?” Jisung looks at him with pleading, puppy dog eyes, and Jae wonders how Brian ever denies the child anything. “I’ll be careful!”

He sighs. Brian’s probably going to kill him if Jisung breaks a string or something. “Fine, but only for a couple of minutes!”

Jisung receives the instrument from Jae quite reverently, extra careful as his stubby baby fingers pluck at the strings.

“Jae,” he begins. “I have a song I want to learn!”

“Yeah? Which one?”

Jisung sniffs, and then he hugs the guitar close to himself before he breaks out into song. His voice is clear and melodious, but Jae almost laughs because it’s obvious, even with his limited Korean vocabulary, that Jisung is making up the lyrics because none of it makes sense.

“What song is this?” Jae asks, because even with the melody he cannot tell. It sounds like an old Korean folk song, if he's gonna make a guess.

“It’s the song Minho-hyung and I sing to each other when we have sleepovers!” He declares, grinning widely. “I taught him the song because Mama used to sing it to me!”

  
  
  


It’s a little past midnight when Brian gets back in, which is half an hour later than they’d agreed on. Jae is already halfway falling asleep, with the television tuned in to some late night romantic comedy.

“Hey, sorry,” Brian tells him, after Jae stirs into wakefulness. “You can crash here for the night if you want.”

Jae, tired, takes a few seconds to register what Brian is saying. “Huh? Oh—” He blinks and and fixes the way his glasses are perched on top of his nose. He feels awkward about possibly accepting the invitation, but it isn’t really convenient to go and walk home at this hour, either. He can take a cab, but it would be expensive, and he lives too close by to justify it. 

“Will that be okay?”

“Hyung, I asked,” Brian points out with a soft chuckle. “How was Jisung?”

Jae shrugs. “Same as always.”

Brian doesn’t answer, as he instead softly pads towards the direction of the bedroom, taking a quick peek inside to check on Jisung himself. “How long did it take him to fall asleep?” He asks, after gently pulling the door close again.

“It’s funny—he was so chatty, but the moment I tucked him in, he was out like a log within seconds.”

Brian laughs. “Yeah? He’s skilled in the sleeping department.”

“Must run in the family,” Jae comments, trying to sound casual despite immediately feeling anxious about Brian’s reaction.

“I wonder,” Brian retorts, crossing the small apartment to get to the fridge, where he pulls out two cans of beer, one of which he offers to Jae. 

He’s tempted, but he shakes his head. “I’m allergic to yeast,” he says. “Sort of.” That never stopped him before, but he’d like to think he’s past that stage now.

“Man,” Brian cringes as he places one of the cans back into the fridge before closing the door. “That bites.”

“It’s not so bad,” Jae tells him; and it isn’t, if only because he’s got worse allergies, so he’s more than used to it. “With beer, I just get a little itchy, and a bit more red than other people do.”

“Still,” Brian comments as he plops down on the couch, right next to Jae; they’re so close that Jae can make out the smell of coffee on his person, mixed with dried up sweat. Strangely, he doesn’t mind. “Thanks again for helping out tonight, hyung. I always feel bad whenever I have to leave him to other people, but I also need to earn money—and attend classes.”

“He's your son, bro, it's cool. You gotta do what you gotta do.”

“Son?” Brian cackles. Like a witch. An incredibly pleasant and handsome witch – and damn it, he hates his how his own thoughts sound even just in his head sometimes.

But also, his implied incredulity at Jae's assumption has Jae feeling embarrassed.

“Yes?” He croaks, shifting in his seat and absentmindedly toying with the collar of his shirt.

“He isn't my son,” Brian says with a sip of his beer, and a shake of his head. “He’s—my nephew. Well, my cousin, I guess, technically.”

“Huh?”

“My Mom’s younger sister, she's only a few years older than me—than us,” Brian starts to explain, and Jae is all ears. From the way the stories have circulated around campus, he has a feeling that not many people have heard this story, especially not from Brian himself. “I was really close with her when I was younger because my grandparents passed when she was still in high school, so she lived with my family for a while. think all my friends had crushes on her for a while—but then she kinda disappeared right when I started high school, and she cut off all contact.”

“What happened to her?”

Brian shrugs. “Almost a year ago, she showed up with Jisung. My parents migrated to Canada halfway through my first year in university for my father's job, so I was living on my own—I don't know how she knew that, but I guess she was still keeping tabs on me. On us. I was so happy to see her—” Brian pauses, a wistful smile spreading on his lips, as if he's remembering a fond memory. “She always had great interest in music, and she was the reason why I got into it, too—she used to play the piano, and she wrote songs—she went to college as a music major, actually.”

Jae realises that being gifted in the Art of Sleeping is not the only thing that runs in their family; suddenly Jisung's natural affinity for music makes so much more sense. 

“Wait,” Jae’s eyebrows knit together, “So what happened after she showed up? Did she tell you where she'd been?”

Brian shakes his head. “She didn't want to talk about it, just said she'll tell me all about her adventures eventually, so I waited. She stayed with me for a week, while asking me to keep her presence—and Jisung's existence—a secret from my parents.”

“Did you?”

Brian shrugs. “I did because I figured she needed some time before she can tell my Mom herself—I didn't expect that she'd be gone again a week later.”

“Wait—_what the fuck?!” _

Brian laughs at his reaction, but there’s an obvious hint of bitterness in it. “Yeah, after school one day, I came home, and there was only Jisung there, coloring on a sketch pad while watching Pororo reruns. There was a note on the fridge—_ I’m sorry. I’ll be back for him one day.” _ Brian inhales deeply, and then he leans back as if tired. “It’s fucked up, right?” He turns to Jae, and smiles at him, resigned. “That was the note, verbatim. I have it memorised because it was so short, and I read it maybe fifty times before it really sunk in.”

“What the fuck?” Jae repeats, this time, barely a whisper.

“That was my reaction, too. It’s almost a year since, because she left the day after Christmas—something about that is mighty, fucking cliché if you ask me.”

“And you’ve been taking care of Jisung by yourself since then?”

“Been trying.”

“What did your parents say?”

Brian grows quiet, and Jae watches as he takes a lengthy swig of beer from his can. “I still haven’t told them he exists,” he mutters.

“Bro.” Jae stares. _ “What the fuck?” _

“I kept putting it off, thinking that maybe Hyesoo-noona’s one day will be the next day—but obviously it hasn’t been any day yet.”

“Damn.”

“I know.”

“And you have no clue who the dad is?”

Brian shakes his head. “I remember she was dating this guy right before she left us, but I have no idea if he’s actually Jisung’s father. I mean—I have no idea what went on in her life during the almost five years we didn’t have contact.”

“Fuck, Bri—” Jae whistles softly. 

“I know,” Brian repeats. _ “Fuck. _ You probably think I’m an idiot for taking this on by myself but—you’ve been around Jisung. He’s a loveable kid. I just wanna do right by him until his mother comes back, yeah?”

“Just like that?” Jae frowns.

“What do you mean?”

“So—if her one day turns out to be tomorrow, what then? Just like that, you’re going to let her take ‘Sung?”

Brian’s gaze darkens, and from that look, Jae realises that maybe somewhere along the past year, Brian had stopped hoping that his aunt’s ‘one day’ would be tomorrow, and had started wishing for ‘never.’

  
  


»

  
  


Jae pushes through his promise to teach Jisung how to play guitar, so he starts spending even more time at Brian’s apartment. 

Brian just becomes extra thankful, because it means he suddenly has an automatic baby-sitter on Saturdays, which means he can go to work without bringing Jisung with him. In turn, his boss apparently becomes extra pleased with him, and this has Brian always in a very good mood whenever he gets back home.

This makes Jae happier that it probably ought to.

One time, however, Brian comes home while Jae is in the middle of teaching Jisung a three-chord song, and after watching them for several minutes, he interrupts Jae to start making suggestions.

It turns out that Brian had taken formal guitar lessons when he was a child and therefore preferred a more instructional approach to teaching, whereas Jae was self-taught and had been pretty much winging his lessons.

“Dude, if you're so inclined, then teach him yourself!” Jae finally snaps, when Brian's backseat instructing becomes far too much to bear with.

“Hyung, I’m just trying to help—it's easier to be systematic,” Brian presses, his tone on edge despite his use of an honorific.

Jae has always been the type to enjoy arguing way too much (in hindsight, perhaps that played a big part with his lack of friends back in high school, but that's food for thought another time), while it's looking like Brian is the stubborn type who doesn't easily back down, so neither of them don't really notice that their back and forth is steadily becoming louder and snappier, and way too heated, until Jisung suddenly interrupts then by yelling,

“Yah!!!”

That immediately takes Jae out of the moment; he and Brian both shut up at once, exchanging a brief look before turning to glance at Jisung.

He's staring at them with a confused but determined look. “Yah,” he repeats, cheeks blowing up before he lets out a loud huff. “Stop fighting!”

It’s Jae, in all his awkward glory, who breaks first. He coughs out strained laughter, for which he feels bad at first, until Brian joins him. After that, he stops holding it in, and the two of them completely double over, much to the clear chagrin of the five year old.

“Yah!” Jisung repeats. “Yah, yah!!” He stomps his foot and pulls at Brian’s shirt. “Stop!!”

Even while still laughing, Brian wordlessly picks Jisung up – literally _ sweeping _ him off his feet – and throws him over his shoulder.

“Put me down!” Jisung yells, arms flailing, and eyes growing wide when Brian suddenly swings him around. “Ajusshi!” He screeches, even though he finally joins in on the laughter.

“Jae, catch—” Brian plays around, threatening to throw Jisung at him, only to have them both balk in panic. Jisung kicks the air and clings to Brian’s head, while Jae winces and automatically takes a step back. Their joint reactions just make Brian laugh even more, which makes Jae scoff. “‘Sung, Jae-hyung doesn’t want to hold you because you’re getting too heavy,” Brian teases the child who pouts.

“It’s not like that!” Jae hisses defensively.

“What’s it like then?” Brian asks, adjusting his hold on the boy, instead of putting him back down.

“It’s like—” Jae isn’t sure what’s it like; all he knows is that he’s bad with children, and he always has been – although admittedly the past month has proven that he does just fine with Jisung.

“Come on, hyung, are you scared?” Brian flashes him a taunting grin, and Jae feels challenged. “Here, you won’t break him—maybe if he was five months old, not five _ years _ old,” he continues to tease as he once again holds Jisung out.

This time, the boy doesn’t protest; instead he looks at Jae and holds his arms out, expecting to be received.

“Geez, man,” Jae mumbles under his breath; but he’s unable to stand a challenge down so he moves forward, and cautiously takes Jisung into his arms. Brian was definitely just teasing, because it feels like he barely weighs anything, which helps Jae relax.

And then Brian smiles at him, pride reflected in his eyes, while Jisung wraps his tiny arms and legs around his slender frame. It strikes Jae how domestic this all feels, and he doesn’t know what to make of that realisation.

  
  


»

  
  


“So what’s the deal between you and Brian-ssi these days?”

Jae is in the middle of revising for finals with Hyerim when his friend just very casually drops the question. He looks up from his chicken scratch notes (that even he was having a hard time deciphering), and gives Hyerim a confused look. 

“What?” He pauses, before sharing. “Well, we’re having dinner after this—?” He doesn’t think that’s the answer that Hyerim is angling for, though.

“Jae,” she retorts, giving him a pointed look. “You’re always with him these days.”

“I’m with you here now, aren’t I?” Jae comments.

Hyerim is usually a very patient girl, so it surprises Jae when she actually rolls her eyes with obvious exasperation. “Don't be a smartass, Jae,” she tells him. “If you don't want to talk about it, you can just say so.”

That takes him aback, mostly because even if he does want to talk about it (and admittedly, a small part of him does), he has no idea what there is to talk about.

“I baby-sit for him,” Jae answers several seconds later. 

Hyerim laughs. “So that’s it? You're his kid’s baby-sitter?”

“Jisung isn't actually _ his,” _ Jae clarifies. 

“Well, we've only really known each other for half a year, but I never pegged you as the type to enjoy the company of children,” Hyerim observes out loud.

“I’m not,” Jae answers. “But Jisung likes me enough, apparently.”

“And you like Brian-ssi enough, right?” There’s a teasing – or maybe amused – quirk at the corner of Hyerim's lips.

“When did I say that?” Jae shoots back defensively. Months later and he still doesn't really know what to make of Brian.

He’s smart, funny, charismatic, popular – the list goes on, most of them things Jae isn't, at least naturally. Brian is easy to admire _ and _great to be around, which is why Jae honestly wonders why he chooses to spend time with Jae as much as he does recently.

He wonders if it really is just because of Jisung, even though Jae also doesn't understand how it happened that the boy has genuinely gotten attached to him.

Back home in California, during Jae’s first year in university, he had made a conscious decision to be bolder – to experience life differently and more confidently. He forced himself to experience new things, and he carried himself with more pride. He met people, most of them built like Brian – smart, funny, confident and with the kind of charisma that naturally drew people to them. 

The problem with focusing more on the social aspects of his life was that – and this is apart from his studies suffering to the point that he was on probation by the end of freshman year – it always felt like he had been wearing someone else’s skin, and even though he appreciated everyone who had made his first two years of university memorable, a part of him had always worried that he'd be exposed for the loser he truly is. Maybe that's why he had agreed so easily to his parents’ proposal for him to transfer and finish the rest of his studies in a country where he barely speaks the native tongue.

One good thing about the language barrier, he supposes, was that it gave him something else to focus on. He didn't have time or energy to put on any sort of mask because he was too busy learning how to communicate, so by the time he’d fallen into his friendship with Hyerim and Bernard, it just felt natural. Two years of being a forced social butterfly had apparently earned him enough socializing skills that he didn't have to think about it, and he still managed to make genuine friends.

He thinks maybe that's what it means to fake it until you make it.

The thing with Brian, though, is that he's too much the type of person that's always made Jae a little too self-conscious – he makes Jae wonder if they're friends, and _ why _ they're friends, which are silly thoughts overall, because Brian is also the type to always seem so unbothered.

Which in turn makes Jae also not want to care too much about the status of, and kind of friendship they have – except he _ does _ care, as evidenced by the endless loop of Brian-related musings he always starts in his head, and _ really. _

This is why he has no idea what to say about Brian.

“Jae, like I said, if you don't want to talk about it—” Hyerim starts again, looking at him curiously.

He shakes his head. “He’s good company, that's all there is to say about it.”

Hyerim hums, and then she goes back to her highlighted notes, dropping the topic altogether for which Jae is thankful for.

  
  


»

  
  


Jae’s last exam for the term falls on the day before Brian’s birthday, so Brian insists on having him tag along to the birthday dinner he has planned with Jisung. 

“We can celebrate you surviving finals week,” Brian tells him.

“You talk like you didn't just go through the same hellish week,” Jae retorts.

“Yeah, but we're already celebrating my birthday, there's no need to be greedy with excuses for it.”

Jae snorts. “Yeah, sure—just tell me where this dinner is happening.”

“McDonald’s,” Brian states, almost deadpan.

“For real?” Jae can’t tell if Brian’s just pulling his leg, especially when Brian laughs in response.

“Yeah, hyung. Jisung is two toys away from completing the Pororo Happy Meal set, so when I asked him where he wants to celebrate—that was his answer.”

Jae snorts. “And you didn't exercise veto powers?”

“You think Jisung would have let me?” Brian laughs. “Here I was thinking that you know us pretty well by now.”

And this is how Jae ends up celebrating the end of term with a greasy Big Mac and six-piece box of chicken nuggets. Not bad, especially because Brian, with his order of one Quarter Pounder and one double patty Bulgogi burger, complete with a side order of extra large fries, insists on paying.

After he’s done with his happy meal, Jisung excuses himself and asks Brian's permission to play in the small corner designated as a play area. Brian, who is suspiciously eyeing Jae’s unfinished meal, easily gives it to him.

“The playplace areas in McDonald's branches these days are so much smaller than they used to be,” Jae comments, casually nudging his barely touched box of nuggets towards Brian's direction. He's pretty sure he won't be able to finish it, while Brian still looks hungry despite having already scarfed down two burgers.

“Yeah,” Brian agrees, not hesitating for a moment before he helps himself to a nugget. He eats it in two bites, and then, “So—Jisung’s mom called.”

He drops the news very casually, like he's making a comment about the weather, or more appropriately, the soggy state of his french fries.

Jae, of course, doesn't take it that way?

_ “What the fuck?” _ Apparently this is now his default reaction to anything related to Jisung's mother. Brian laughs, so Jae figures that at least he made Brian laugh with his bewilderment. “When?” He clarifies, taking a gulp of his soda, because for some reason his throat suddenly feels dry.

“Just today,” Brian shares, reaching over to rub Jae’s back. “She e-mailed me a birthday greeting.”

“That’s it?” Jae gawks.

“Well, she also asked about Jisung.”

“What’d you say?”

Brian shrugs. “I haven’t answered her yet.”

Jae wants to ask more, but Brian is already getting up and gesturing for Jisung to come back over, so he figures that’s Brian’s way of tabling the topic, at least for the moment.

  
  
  


“So, what are your plans, man? About Jisung’s mom, I mean.” Jae is the one who brings the topic back up after they tuck Jisung into bed.

He could have gone home earlier, after dinner, but he followed Brian and Jisung back to their apartment without a word – and Brian didn’t do anything to stop him. He figures, at the very least, that’s implicit permission for him to pry into the subject of Jisung’s mom. Brian wouldn’t have shared earlier if he didn’t want to talk about it, right?

“I guess I have to respond soon, huh?” Brian clicks his tongue; he’s playing with the remote control because for some reason they have the television turned on even though neither of them is paying any attention to the screen. “She’s in Malaysia right now, apparently. I guess that’s where she was for a couple of years before, too—before she came back here. I guess she’s a music teacher there, now?” Brian laughs. “She actually wrote me a pretty lengthy letter, and it’s like—what am I supposed to do with it, you know?” 

“She mention his Dad?” Jae whistles softly. 

Brian shakes his head. “But she implied that she might be coming back to Korea soon—like during the Lunar New Year, I guess.”

Jae winces. “You think that means—? Jisung?”

“Fuck if I know,” Brian closes his eyes; he looks like he’s trying his best to stay calm despite clear frustration. “I don’t even know if I should tell Jisung. You know—he never really asks about her. I know he misses her, but he never asks about her. It’s like he’s scared of how I’m going to answer. Is that weird? He’s weirdly in tune with his surroundings for a five year old.”

Jae nods quietly; he understands what Brian means about Jisung. 

“I should—” Brian exhales, seemingly gathering his wits before he attempts to reform his thoughts. “I should probably tell my parents, huh? About Jisung. I don’t know what telling them will do, but my Mom should probably know that she has a nephew who her son has been taking care of for a year now. And—if Hyesoo-noona is going to show her face again—it just would be best if I wasn’t the only one dealing with her.”

“You’re not alone, bro,” Jae points out. _ I’m here, _ he wants to say, but he doesn’t feel qualified to, so he doesn’t.

Brian flashes him a crooked grin, and he wonders if he got what Jae was attempting to convey anyway. “It’s fucking unfair—and maybe I handled this wrongly from the beginning. Maybe it’s my fault for getting attached to the kid when I shouldn’t have, but—” He sinks further against the back of the couch. “It is what it is, and it’s fucking unfair. You don’t just leave your son to someone for a year, and expect to pick him up again, no questions asked. I’m not a baggage counter at a mall, and Jisung isn’t just _ baggage.” _

“Dude…” Jae trails off, unsure what exactly he say to that.

“But—” Brian closes his eyes and runs his fingers through his hair. “It isn’t as if I can keep Jisung from his mom, yeah? And maybe this is why I need my parents to help me deal with this—just saying that makes me feel like a fucking _ kid. _ Like a child who needs my parents to fix my shit for me.”

“I think you’re plenty adult, Bri,” Jae points out gently. “But adults don’t just stop needing their parents’ help every now and then. They’re always going to be ahead in life, so they’re always going to have helpful advice for us—just depends on how much we take their words to heart. And if you think you want to hear from them about this Jisung situation, you should.”

Brian falls silent, and Jae fidgets with the hem of his shirt, unsure if he imparted the right sentiment. 

“Thanks for listening, hyung,” Brian eventually tells him, his tone soft, but appreciative. Jae can only nod and flash a tiny smile.

And then quiet takes over once more, with Brian pressing remote control buttons so he can flip through channels. Jae doesn’t know what kind of show he’s looking for, and maybe it’s time he excuses himself so he can go home, but— 

“Hey, Bri, I know you've somehow miraculously managed to keep this whole ordeal from your parents, but—does anyone else know?”

Brian chuckles, bitter but amused. And then he finally turns the television off, probably tired of the facade that they’re doing anything but having a genuine heart-to-heart. “Friends know I have him, of course. It’s not like I can hide the existence of a five year old, unless you're oceans away. But few know the details,” he explains. “They just know I’ve become too busy these days. I don't think any of them understand why I let myself get strapped with this responsibility, and it's not something I want to waste my time on, explaining.”

“Oh.”

Brian shrugs. “Maybe because I don't really have an explanation either.”

“So—” Jae hesitates, because maybe it's inappropriate to turn the conversation towards him, but in the end hood curiosity gets the better off him. “Why me?”

“What do you mean, hyung?”

“Uh…” Jae twiddles with his fingers, suddenly feeling anxious. “Just—you've got a lot of friends, Bri, so why am I the one here with you now?”

Brian frowns. “Is that a problem? I hope you know you're free to say no to Jisung any time, hyung,” he says, uncharacteristic in how uncertain he sounds. “To me, as well.”

Jae’s laughter escapes him before he can curb it; it's funny to him that Brian chose to interpret his words like that, because as far as he’s concerned, Brian can do so much better than him, especially in terms of emotional support regarding Jisung.

“I just mean—I don't really know what you get out of this friendship,” he offers lamely.

“Are _ you _ getting anything out of it?” Brian laughs. “Besides, Jisung likes you. And— _ I _ like you. You didn't know who I was before I had Jisung thrust into my life, so it never felt like you had expectations of me, and how I should be. That's why I like being around you, hyung. Sorry, if it seems kinda selfish.”

Jae doesn’t find it selfish at all; in fact, he’s kind of blown away by just how much he finds himself relating. It’s not even as if their circumstances in life are anywhere remotely similar, but Jae definitely knows a thing or two about feeling the need to live up to what and how people expect you to be.

It just so happens that with Jae, all these expectations come from himself – and for that, he’s thankful that Brian being open with him like this has made realise that he should be more appreciative of the people around him who don’t make him feel the weight of those expectations.

“Don’t apologise, Bri,” he mumbles. “I get it. And just so you know—I’m thankful you trust me with Jisung.” 

  
  


»

  
  


New Year’s Eve falls on a Thursday that year, and when Jae asks his grandmother how she wants to celebrate, she tells him that she usually spends the night watching specials on TV, and that she’s usually asleep by midnight anyway. Jae balks because apart from not really getting children, he clearly doesn’t get old people either.

His grandmother is fairly observant, and easily notices Jae’s disappointment. “You don’t have to keep me company,” she tells him. “You’re gonna feel like you’re stuck running errands for me by the time Lunar New Year rolls around anyway, so feel free to celebrate with friends.”

Jae is hesitant at first, but frankly, his grandmother is right, especially since his parents have already expressed their plans to fly over then, so ultimately, he decides it’s best to give in and find other ways to entertain himself.

Bernard had earlier extended an invitation to him; he was going to be at a party with some of the International students from university, and briefly, Jae considers taking him up on that. He’s quick to admit that he’s fooling himself, though, because of course, ultimately, he ends up in front of Brian’s apartment, shifting his weight from one foot to the other until the door opens, and he’s met with Jisung looking up, and grinning at him excitedly.

“Jae!” Jisung exclaims as he practically throws himself against Jae’s legs.

“‘Sung—!” Brian sighs as he hurries to the door. “What did I tell you about opening the door without warning?!”

“But it’s—” Jisung huffs and clings tighter to Jae’s legs. “It’s Jae!”

“That’s right, it’s Jae,” he echoes, laughing while awkwardly patting Jisung’s head, and shrugging at Brian. “Here for some new year fun.”

“I’m afraid you might be in for some disappointment my friend,” Brian comments with a chuckle, finally pulling Jisung away from Jae and stepping aside so he can be let in. “We just ordered pork cabbage wraps to eat while watching the music festival on TV until they count down to midnight.”

Jae laughs, because frankly, he hadn’t expected anything more exciting than that, and that’s part of why he’d allowed his feet to bring him here instead of a more typical college party – because this is who he is, and Brian doesn’t expect him to be anything other than that. 

The music festival is filled with idols that Jae doesn’t really knows the names of (he only knows TWICE, and that’s only because the guy who works the same shift as him, Dowoon, is a big fan, and has Nayeon’s face plastered on his phone case), but at least some of the music is familiar (also thanks to Dowoon, because although he doesn't look it, he's a fan of idol music in general and he's always blasting them out loud at the store). Jisung, however, is another story entirely, because apparently he knows some of the more popular idol dances, and he spends a good chunk of the time dancing on top of the couch with Brian frequently telling him to get back down on the floor.

Jae assumes they’re popular idols, only because Brian says they are. An hour and a half into the program, Jisung starts whining about an upset stomach and Brian ends up having to accompany him to the bathroom while Jae follows, laughing and pointing out to Jisung that this is why he shouldn’t have been dancing around in between eating cabbage wraps. Jisung cries, of course, because Jae’s taunting doesn’t help, and Brian has to shoo him off back to the living room.

By the time they get back, a live band special stage is on, which Jae is actually focused on, because in another life, maybe he would have chased a similar dream.

“How’s Jisung?” He asks, scooting over to the far end of the couch to allow Brian and Jisung room. The latter is much more subdued; he simply curls up in the small space between Brian and Jae, his head resting on the former’s lap.

“Fine,” Jisung mumbles, answering Jae’s question himself even though it had clearly been directed at Brian. “I’m fine!”

Brian snorts, ruffling his hair before moving his hand and gently rubbing the boy’s stomach instead. 

“Next time you shouldn’t eat and dance at the same time,” Jae tells him again, which only has Jisung petulantly sticking his tongue out at him.

Unsurprisingly, Jisung is asleep not even ten minutes after the exchange.

“Aren’t you gonna take him to his room?” Jae asks, voice lowered into a whisper.

“Nah,” Brian shakes his head. “I’ll probably wake him up around midnight—I promised him I’d do that.”

Jae nods, because a quick glance at his phone screen tells him that’s barely an hour away. He relaxes and continues to watch the screen.

“My Mom called,” Brian shares softly. “Earlier today.”

Jae turns to him; the last they’d hung out the other day, Brian had shown him his response to Jisung’s mother, where he’d updated her on how Jisung is doing in general, before informing her at the end that he was also going to let his parents know about the situation, finally. Brian hasn’t updated him since, but he supposes, with that opening, that Brian has made do with his word.

“You told them?”

Brian nods. “He says he doesn’t really know how to react—it’s not as if I’m the one who got a child out of wedlock,” he explains with a soft chuckle. “But he says that they want to fly over as soon as they can, and that they’d let me know of their plans soon.”

“What happens next?”

“Honestly…?” Brian sighs. “I don’t know. I think Jisung should be with his mom, but I don’t think any of us trust her to do that right now. 

“That’s fair,” Jae agrees.

“I don’t even want to imagine what life would be like if Jisung gets taken from me—by his mom, or by _ my _ parents. I had this vague feeling that my Mom and Dad were considering doing as much, actually—because they think that’s what would be best for me.”

Jae arches an eyebrow. 

“Yeah, I know right?” Brian snorts. “It wouldn’t be—but I guess everyone has to be here for decisions to be really made and finalised, so right now, I’m just going to have to keep doing right by Jisung for now, until then.”

“Does he know about any of these things?” Jae asks.

“Not yet. But I’ll tell him soon, before Hyesoo-noona comes back.” Brian says, his tone laced with bittersweetness.

“You’d go back to being a normal college student,” Jae points out softly. “If Jisung goes with his mom—or yours.” 

“What does that even mean?” Brian laughs. “It’s only been a year, but I feel like my priorities have shifted so much in that time. Can’t imagine going back from that.”

“You won’t,” Jae assures him. “You won’t go back—you’ll go forward. Trust me. I know a thing or two about this. Even when you think you’re going back, you really won’t be.” 

Brian laughs. “Thanks—I feel like I kinda know that, but I needed to hear it, still. Actually—” He turns a little so he can face Jae, but before he can continue, Jisung stirs and they both freeze for a second.

“Hey, ‘Sung—” Jae whispers, only to have the boy simply turn and face the back of the couch, still completely asleep.

Brian snorts. “Like a log, I tell you.”

On TV, the artists start to gather on stage to get ready for the midnight countdown, and Jae starts fidgeting, suddenly nervous for reasons he’s not sure. 

“Hyung, calm down—” Brian chortles, leaning over and placing a hand on his knee. “What are you so nervous for?”

“I have no idea,” Jae admits; maybe it’s everything that he and Brian have just talked about. About things easily changing in the course of a year and about priorities shifting; Jae has had his fair share of changes in his life, and he knows it’s not always a bad thing, but welcoming another year makes him feel anxious anyway. “We should wake Jisung—didn’t you say you promised?”

“Yeah.” Brian nods. “But before that—”

Jae looks at him, confused; and then Brian leans in further, closing the gap until his lips brush against Jae’s. The action surprises him because he certainly did not predict that happening – yet he doesn’t hate it either. He exhales softly, daring to return the kiss as he angles his head. 

It doesn’t last long, and by the time the MC cues the start of the New Year countdown, Brian is already moving away.

“To a new year,” Brian whispers, a sly grin curving on his lips. “And to moving forward.”

Jae remains dazed, even as Brian gently shakes Jisung awake; the boy whines and stirs, and rubs his eyes.

“Is it tomorrow yet?” He asks, and somehow that pulls Jae out of his reverie and makes him laugh.

“Don’t be silly,” Jae tells him. “Tomorrow is what you look forward to—right now is today.”

Jisung sits up and stares at Jae, long and hard – on television, fireworks and streamers go off as everyone greets the viewers a happy new year.

“Happy new year, Jae,” Jisung mumbles, giving up on a possible staring contest, and turning to Brian instead. “Happy new year, Ajusshi!”

“Happy new year, ‘Sung,” Brian echoes; he catches Jae’s gaze over Jisung’s head as the boy clings to him in a tight hug, and they exchange knowing smiles.

_ To moving forward, indeed, _ Jae thinks to himself.

  
  
  


»»

**Author's Note:**

> [ 6 ] thank you for making all the way to the end. i hope you enjoyed the story! sorry about the non-resolution in the end but... like. that's real life, ha ha haha.
> 
> [ 7 ] feedback is very much appreciated, as usual. if not here, do feel free to reach me on [cc](http://curiouscat.me/yiminho)!


End file.
